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Sometimes a person’s thoughts are negative or hot. They are angry, critical, or blaming. And when a person thinks hot, it can influence how they communicate with others. The Apostle Paul cautions the Ephesians on the subject of communication when he wrote “let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that may give grace to those who hear.”

When relationships are damaged, it is usually due to a breakdown in the communication process. Communication helps us express who we are and how we feel about things or situations. Our communication can be clear, which leads to understanding; or unclear, which leads to confusion.

Communication can be constructive and build a relationship or it can be destructive, tearing it down. Criticism is one form of communication that cuts and destroys. It doesn’t seek to resolve conflict or draw a person closer. It simply provides a way to feel justified and superior. It is a way that is often used to release anger.

Whenever a person criticizes someone, it is usually an avenue to find fault. They are saying to the other person, you are defective in some way, and I don’t accept you. Criticism can be hidden under the camouflage of humor. When confronted about it, a person often avoids the responsibility by saying, “I was just joking, or I was kidding.” There is a scripture in the biblical writing of Proverbs that says, “like a madman shooting deadly, burning arrows is the one who tricks a neighbor and then says, ‘I was just joking’.”

Building relationships are a major part of our everyday lives. Relationships surround us each day. We think about them, talk about them, and experience them. Many relationships that we build are developed and we often see them as permanent. But often the stability of the relationship begins to crumble because of our lack of proper communication.

Why? In many cases, we can blame our negative self-talk. Toxic communication surrounding our thoughts can impact relationships with our friends, our siblings, our co-workers, our children, etc. So, remember whenever you communicate with others, ensure that it is to build the relations from a positive perspective. Never Give Up! Never Give Up! Never Give Up!

By Dr. Walter Ghosten